one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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