when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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