theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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