His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
areolas are like halos for boobs.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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