I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
