Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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