I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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