Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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