My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize