We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
