I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
