Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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