It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
