Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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