you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
