I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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