Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
