she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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