Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
