The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Small penises have feelings too.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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