I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
