I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm at about main and main street
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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