I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
