let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
