were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
