When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
