he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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