Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
