I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
