that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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