it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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