I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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