What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
