Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
