honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
