Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
