So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
