When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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