The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
