Pants 0. Shit 1.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
