I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
