i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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