What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
We are two peas in an std pod
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
