Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
