Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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