Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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