The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Shame - the story of my life.
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