Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize