my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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