Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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