He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Found your dick twin last night
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
