That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
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