I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize