im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
