guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
