Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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