The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
