if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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