Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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