I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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