And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
