I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
