Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
