at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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