could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
