Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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