I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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