So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize