I wish I could punch you in the face.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
